


We'd only just begun

by QueenCow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Coma, Hospitals, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slice of Life, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCow/pseuds/QueenCow
Summary: Reposting :) hope you like it!Magnus and Alec meet in Limbo...





	We'd only just begun

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Viva Forever by the Spice Girls, so I suggest listening to that song while reading. 
> 
> I plotted this with Lucile a long time ago, and I decided to post it again. 
> 
> Hope you like it :) 
> 
> Warning: it might be triggering, as both Magnus and Alec are technically dying, and trying to find their meaning of living...

His eyes opened.

 

Everything was white. He was laying down on something soft. A light flickered in the corner of his vision, so he turned his head. There was a mirror. He saw his face, his dark skin, his green eyes. Laying on a hospital bed? Was he dead? Who was he?

 

He sat up. His name was Magnus… Magnus Bane. He was 25 years old, born in Indonesia, raised in New York. But why was he here?

 

He stood up. There had been an accident. It was a cold winter morning in New York. A little girl who lost her ball. She ran after it into the streets. The car honked, the driver slammed down on the breaks, but the road was slippery. So Magnus ran, pushed the little girl out of the way, and the car hit him. That’s the last thing he remembers.

 

The halls were white, empty. The silence was eerie, yet calming. There was peace, yet it was haunting.

 

“Hello?” he called out. No one answered. Was this heaven?

 

There was a silent hum in the air, but it wasn’t pleasant. It got louder and louder, until his ears were ringing. Dread set in his stomach, and his breathing picked up. His heart started hammering in his chest. Someone walked past him, and as he turned, the room was suddenly filled with people.

 

A nurse answered a call, a small child started crying, an elderly man was laughing. People were fluttering past him, yet none of them looked his way. He tried calling out to them, but no one heard him. He laid his hand on a man’s shoulder, but it passed right through him.

 

He screamed, shouted, but no one answered.

 

A young woman ran past him. She had a mint colored scarf on which fluttered behind her as she ran. Magnus gave her that scarf for her birthday.

 

“Cat,” Magnus said, following her. She seemed worried. He followed her until she entered the room he had exited. She stopped in the doorway, raising her hand to cover her mouth.

 

“Magnus…” she whispered.

 

“Cat, I’m here,” he answered. But she didn’t hear him. She stepped into the room, and he saw what she had seen.

 

It was… him. Magnus. Laying on the bed, a mask over his face, wires connecting to machines that beeped steadily, a neck brace around his neck. There were scrapes and bruises all over his face and arms.

 

What was this? What was going on?

 

A nurse entered the room, putting her hand on Cat’s shoulder. “Are you Catarina?”

 

Cat flinched and turned to look at the nurse, her eyes wet. “Yes…”

 

The nurse took her hand. “Come with me. The doctor will be here soon.”

 

Cat shook her head. “What happened to him?”

 

The nurse looked at Magnus. “He saved a young girl's life.”

 

Cat bit her lip and shook her head slowly. “Selfless bastard…” The nurse smiled at her. They both left the room.

 

Magnus kept staring at the body laying on the bed. It was him, yet… it didn’t feel like him. He stepped closer, but the distance became greater with each step. It felt wrong, like he wasn’t supposed to be there. He could raise his hand and touch the body, but an ice cold hand grabbed his heart. A small voice in his head told him to stay away.

 

The feeling grew intensely, so Magnus stepped back. The reflection of the window interrupted him, there was a figure there standing behind him. The figure started walking away, and Magnus turned quickly. He saw a small glimpse of white disappearing by the door, and he quickly made his way to the hall.

 

“Wait,” he called out.

 

And the figure turned to look at him. It was a man, wearing white, like Magnus was. His hair was black, hazel eyes looking right at him. This man was beautiful.

 

“You can see me?” the man asked, raising his hand in a small gesture between them. Magnus nodded.

 

“Are you an Angel?” Magnus asked, his voice slightly above a whisper. Was this the end? Was this gorgeous man here to take him to heaven, where his mother was?

 

The man smiled. “Nope. I’m stuck here, just like you. It’s been a long time since I spoke with anyone.”

 

Magnus furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t understand…”

 

The man stepped closer and extended his hand. “I’m Alec. Looks like we’ll be stuck here together for a while.”

 

Magnus stared at him in slight shock. A moment passed and Alec lowered his hand.

 

“If I didn’t understand the shock, I’d be insulted that you didn’t accept my greetings.”

 

Magnus blinked a few times, before shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I… I don’t understand what’s going on.”

 

Alec rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… guess I have some explaining to do then. What’s your name?”

 

“Magnus…”

 

“Good, you remember your name,” Alec said, smiling. “This is… well, it’s in between life and death. Limbo, if you will.”

 

The cold grip on his heart got stronger, and Magnus licked his lips. “Am I dead?”

 

Alec shook his head. “No… not yet at least.”

 

“What?” Magnus asked incredulously, his arms suddenly felt heavy and his breath became heavy.

 

“Basically, you’re still alive. Your spirit is separated from your body, but you’re still alive. You just have to find your way back,” Alec said, leaning against the wall next to him.

 

Magnus turned his gaze to the ground, forcing himself to take deep breaths. He closed his eyes briefly, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. “A-and how do I do that?”

 

“No one knows,” Alec answered softly. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be here.”

 

“How long have you… been here?” Magnus asked carefully, opening his eyes and looking up at Alec.

 

“I… I don’t know… A long time.”

 

This had to be a dream. There was no way this was happening. Waking up in a hospital, no one seeing or hearing him, and suddenly a gorgeous, tall man answering all his questions like it was nothing. He had to be dreaming.

 

“Look, I know this is a lot to take in-” Alec started, but stopped when Magnus scoffed.

 

“You think?”

 

“No, I know. I went through the same thing, there was no one here to tell me what was happening when I first arrived though.”

 

Magnus pressed his palms against his eyes and sighed. “Look, Alec… You seem really nice, but I’d like to wake up now.”

 

Alec didn’t say anything, he just looked at him calmly.

 

“If you’re not an Angel, who are you?” Magnus asked.

 

Alec stood up straight and squared his shoulders. “Alec Lightwood, 23 years old, had a car accident on the 2nd of October 2016. Both arms broken, broken ribs, punctured lung, dislocated hip, brain trauma, the list goes on.”

 

Magnus stared at him in disbelief. “How are you still alive?”

 

Alec looked taken back, and Magnus regretted his question. His big mouth followed him into his dreams, it seemed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“No, it’s… I’ve been wondering the same thing for a while,” Alec said, rubbing his hand over his chin. “I guess I have unfinished business? Like you.”

 

“Well, a tall, dark and handsome man smiling at me would count as unfinished business if I wasn’t dreaming. I might as well go along with this dream, I’m far luckier here than I ever was awake.“

 

Alec opened his mouth to speak, but stopped, looking down at his hand. Magnus followed his gaze, only to see Alec’s hand fading.

 

“Not again,“ Alec said under his breath, turning to walk away. Magnus followed him.

 

“Wait, what’s going on? Why are you see-through?“

 

Alec didn’t respond, running up a flight of stairs and down a hallway, stopping as one of the doors opened and a beautiful, dark haired girl was led out by a nurse, who quickly entered the room again and closed the door.

 

They could only watch as the girl slid down the wall and hugged her knees, sobbing. “Alec,“ she whispered, gripping her hair. Magnus looked up at Alec, who had tears in his eyes.

 

“Izzy… I’m here,“ he said, stepping close and kneeling down in front of her. He raised his hand to comfort her, but stopped right before touching her. His hand would just pass through her, but he kept his hand hovering over her shoulder.

 

“Please don’t die, big brother. Please don’t die,“ Izzy chanted, rocking slightly. Alec swallowed and nodded to himself.

 

“I’ll try to live. I promise, I’ll try to live.“

 

Magnus held back his own tears and turned to the door, taking slow steps towards it. He looked through the glass window, and he saw Alec on the bed, a doctor checking his vitals and nodding.

 

Magnus stepped to the side as the doctor exited the room. Izzy got up and wiped her eyes. Magnus beckoned Alec over and took his hand once he was close enough. They listened to the doctor reassuring Izzy that Alec hadn’t died, but he kept his words neutral.

 

To not give too much hope.

 

“We will do whatever we can, but…“

 

“Thank you, doctor,“ Izzy interrupted him with whatever willpower she had left. Alec smiled.

 

“She was always the strong one,“ he said. “Always protective, always so sure of things. She’s the reason I was able to come out, she was by my side at every step. She helped me get ready for my first date, she listened to me when that guy broke my heart. And I couldn’t take the time to tell her that the red dress matches the lipstick she always uses.“

 

Alec’s voice wavered as he spoke and his hand shook slightly. Overcome with a sudden need to comfort him, Magnus gripped his hand tighter and turned to face him. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. He couldn't find the right words. Alec turned his head. His eyes were red and his lip quivered slightly. Magnus felt his heart jump to his throat and he wrapped his arms around him. Alec lowered his head,buried his face in the crook of Magnus’ neck and just trembled.

 

“I can’t die yet. She needs me.“

 

Magnus rubbed his hands over Alec’s back, unable to find any words that could comfort him. What kind of dream was this?

 

\--

 

Magnus wasn’t sure how much time had passed. There was no way to tell, really. Not only because his dream was strangely bright and the scenery never changed, but also because Alec was the most interesting person he had ever encountered. It was like his subconscious mind knew exactly what he liked and created the ultimate human being. His hands were warm, his smile was comforting and bright, they shared a similar sense of humor and his eyes were completely and utterly breathtaking.

 

Magnus took his time to study Alec’s features as they spoke, and with every discovery he made, his heart would flutter. The scar on his eyebrow, his high cheekbones, the way his cheeks would turn rosy when he caught Magnus staring. If this wasn’t a dream, Magnus would have asked him out. No, scratch that: he would have married Alec on the spot.

 

After the incident with Izzy, they had spent a few moments in comfortable silence, before Alec had started speaking.

 

“I was quiet as a child, shy and I kept to myself. My mother would find me by her old piano, murdering whatever tune that came to my mind at the time,“ Alec said, smiling slightly. “The piano was my escape, it became my best friend. So when my mother told me that I was going to learn how to play it, I was very happy.“

 

Magnus looked down at their joined hands, brushing his thumb over Alec’s hand in a comforting gesture.

 

“My parents saw it as a hobby, but it was my lifeline. Escaping into the music helped me keep my feet on the ground. They were often busy, so I would take care of my siblings a lot. Izzy always loved it when I played. Max stopped crying and Jace would smile. For a long time, I thought I was in love with Jace. But when I think about it, it was attraction. He’s a good-looking guy.“

 

Magnus kept silent as Alec spoke, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts.

 

“The day I graduated High School, I told my parents that I had an audition at Juilliard, and that it was my dream. They somehow convinced me to go into law instead, saying that music wasn’t something I could do. I also came out to them that day.“

 

Alec sighed and looked down. “Last Christmas, I was offered a second audition. I was on my way home after that audition, when a drunk driver hit the car I was in.“

 

Magnus watched him in silence, admiring his soft smile. By God, he was beautiful.

 

Alec shook his head and turned to Magnus. “What about you? What’s your story?“

 

Magnus crossed his legs and sighed. “I was born in Indonesia, my real father was a dick, so my mother left him, married a rich American and we moved here when I was about three years old. My stepfather was kind and treated me like I was his real son. When my mother passed away, he took care of me, but he died soon after because of a broken heart. I was 18, legally an adult, so I signed up for college and left New York for a few years.“

 

Magnus paused, feeling Alec tug on his hand slightly. “What?“ he asked.

 

Alec was looking at him worriedly. “You lost your family?“

 

Magnus nodded slightly. “But I gained a new one. Catarina is my closest friend, she’s a nurse in this hospital.“

 

Alec smiled. Magnus seriously loved that smile, he should smile all day, every day. He high fived his subconscious mind for the detail.

 

“Ragnor and I bicker all the time, but he’s like a brother to me. So is Raphael. As much as he denies it, he adores me.“

 

Alec looked confused, Magnus couldn’t help but chuckle. “If you met him, you would understand.“

 

Alec laughed slightly. “He sounds like an interesting guy.“

 

Magnus waved his hand slightly and scoffed.

 

“He’s adorable.“

 

\--

 

At one point, they wandered outside and sat on the grass. There was no sun, but everything was bright nonetheless. It was strangely comforting, compared to reality. There were no traffic noises, no people, just the two of them and a small patch of grass. Magnus refused to sit down, worrying over the stains that would surely end up on his butt if he did. Alec retaliated by wrestling him down, and Magnus had scolded him severely, up until he realised that it was just a dream and there were no stains on Alec’s butt. Not that he was looking.

 

Okay, that was a lie. Alec had a fantastic butt.

 

Alec started picking at the grass, and Magnus looked up.

 

“What do you think happens when we die?“

 

Alec was silent.

 

“I mean, it’s a thing you have to wonder about,“ Magnus continued. “We are in Limbo, right?“ He put emphasis to the word ‘Limbo,’ by raising his hands to make air quote marks.

 

Alec shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t think like that.“

 

Magnus turned his head to look at him. “What do you mean?“

 

“I can’t die yet. My siblings need me.“

 

“That’s it?“

 

Alec’s head snapped to look at Magnus, his eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean, that’s it?“

 

Magnus shrugged. “What about you? Don’t you want to live?“

 

Alec seemed to zone out for a moment, his eyes turning hazy. “I… never thought about it like that…“

 

Magnus watched him silently for a moment. “You never put yourself first.“

 

Alec shook his head. “I always took care of them. For as long as I can remember.“

 

Magnus hummed in response, turning his gaze up to the sky. The light didn’t hurt his eyes.

 

“I think Heaven is like a garden. Lots of flowers, all the shaved Ice you can eat. And I know my mother is waiting for me there.“

 

Alec smiled. “Shaved Ice?“

 

Magnus nodded. “You never had shaved ice?“ Alec shook his head.

 

Magnus snorted dramatically. “Darling, you haven’t lived at all! Shaved ice is the most delicious dessert ever created!“

 

Alec chuckled at his outburst, throwing some of the grass he had picked up at Magnus. “You better buy me some when we get out of here.“

 

“Well, obviously,“ Magnus exclaimed. “It will be our first date!“

 

Alec’s cheeks turned rosy and his smile was blinding, as he bit his lip and looked away.

 

Magnus was beginning to think he wasn’t dreaming. The way Alec relaxed his (wide) shoulders and stretched his (gloriously long) legs seemed a bit too real. And he smelled _so good._ Alec’s natural smell was so inviting, much like his entire aura was. Friendly, caring and warm. Magnus felt an intense need to bury himself in Alec’s warmth, he had never felt anything like it. The promise of safety in those (big) arms was tantalizing, and Magnus was only human. So he scooted closer and laid his head on Alec’s shoulder, letting out a soft sigh. Alec moved his arm around Magnus’ waist and relaxed.

 

It was even better than he had imagined.

 

“Is it wrong that I don’t want to wake up?“ Magnus murmured, closing his eyes.

 

“We all have to wake up at some point,“ Alec answered softly, the quiver of his deep voice warming up Magnus’ entire core. Alec seemed to tremble slightly, but not uncomfortably.

 

“Not all of us have an Angel watching over us,“ Magnus said, snuggling closer.

 

Alec turned his head and smiled against Magnus’ temple. “We all have Guardian Angels. We just have to know where to look.“

 

Magnus looked up, seeing a gentle smile on Alec’s face.

 

Alec lowered his gaze and frowned. Magnus felt dread set in his stomach. “What is it?“ he asked, sitting back up.

 

Alec opened his mouth and closed it again.

 

“You’re fading,“ he eventually said, getting up.

 

Magnus looked down at his hand, and his entire body froze up. His hand was seethrough. This was it. He was dying. This was the end.

 

“Alec…“

 

Alec grabbed his hand and pulled him up. “Let’s go,“ he said harshly, not meeting Magnus’ eyes.

 

Magnus let himself be dragged along by Alec, matching his quick pace.

 

Alec was silent the entire way, his shoulders tense, but his grip on Magnus’ hand was steady. It enabled Magnus to keep his mind from wandering too much.

 

If Magnus was dying, he and Alec might never see each other again.

 

Dream or no dream, the finality of that statement made Magnus’ stomach turn.

 

Once they reached their destination, Magnus’ room, Alec stopped, but didn’t turn around. Magnus swallowed thickly and squeezed his hand.

 

“Alec, look… I just wanted to thank you for everything,“ he said, but Alec still didn’t turn to look at him.

 

“Alec, please-“ he continued, but Alec shook his head.

 

“Magnus, listen,“ Alec said instead, stepping back so Magnus could see inside the room.

 

There was a doctor leaning over him, holding one of his eyes open and shining a light into it.

 

“He’s showing response,“ the doctor said, turning to the nurse next to him, who nodded and left the room.

 

Suddenly, there was a pleasant hum in the air, making Magnus look up. Alec finally turned to look at him, shock on his face.

 

“I’m not dying,“ Magnus whispered, lowering his gaze to look at Alec. “I’m waking up.“

 

Alec nodded, his features relaxing into a soft smile. “You should go inside,“ he said, jerking his head towards the room.

 

Magnus walked towards the door, slowly and shakily. He stopped before entering, turning to face Alec again.

 

“Listen, I…“ Magnus trailed off, unsure of what to say. Alec nodded.

 

“I know. I’m happy for you. You don’t have to be sorry.“

 

“I wanted to thank you,“ Magnus said, stepping closer to Alec, offering his hand to shake. Alec took it without hesitation, and the comforting warmth brought tears to Magnus’ eyes.

 

“You’re welcome,“ Alec murmured. There was a brave smile on his face, almost forced.

 

“If this wasn’t a dream, I would ask you for your number,“ Magnus said, grinning when Alec’s smile turned genuine and his cheeks flushed.

 

“I’d probably give it to you, if you did,“ Alec answered, his hand trembling slightly. Magnus looked down, his hand was nearly invisible compared to Alec’s. He let out a sigh and looked up again.

 

And stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Alec.

 

There was a moment of hesitation, before Alec enveloped him completely, taking over all of Magnus’ senses. Magnus took a deep breath, basking himself in Alec’s warmth, safe and secure, more so than he had ever felt in his entire life.

 

“God, I’m going to miss you,“ he whispered against Alec’s shoulder, and Alec’s arms tightened around him.

 

“Me too,“ was Alec’s response, pulling back to look at him. There was something in Alec’s gaze, a mix of sadness and fear. Alec would be alone again, and it broke Magnus’ heart to think about it.

 

“I’ll find you,“ Magnus said. “When I wake up, I’ll find you.“

 

Alec nodded. “When you do, will you play me a song?“

 

Magnus agreed without hesitation. “What song?“

 

“Moonlight Sonata.“

 

Magnus nodded. “I promise.“

 

A sad smile appeared on Alec’s lips, and Magnus hated it. In the short time he and Alec spent time together, Magnus had seen just what kind of man Alec was. Honest, strong, loyal and he deserved more than what he was given.

 

Magnus tightened his grip on Alec’s shirt and stepped closer, and pulled him into a kiss. It was short, but Magnus wanted to offer him any comfort he could give. Alec accepted it and returned the kiss, and the intensity of it made Magnus lose his breath.

 

Alec was an amazing man. Instead of taking the comfort Magnus offered, he gave comfort back. Truly selfless and beautiful.

 

Magnus pulled back and took a deep breath, his heart still fluttering. He stayed close to Alec, their foreheads touching as his breath fanned over Magnus’ lips.

 

And when Alec opened his eyes, Magnus had disappeared.

 

\--

  


Back where I belong now

Was it just a dream?

Feelings unfold

They will never be sold

And the secret is safe with me

  
  


He opened his eyes. He jolted up in his bed, sweating heavily, trying to catch his breath. It took him a moment to take in his surroundings. He was in his bedroom. His covers were drenched from his sweat.

 

With a heavy sigh, Magnus brought his hands to his face. This was the third time this week he had woken up like this, and it was only Wednesday. Knowing he wasn’t going to sleep at all for the rest of the night, he got up and changed his bed. Glancing at the clock, he noted that it was 4:30 in the morning. His subconscious mind must really hate him.

 

Every night, it was the same dream. Empty hospital walls, himself on a hospital bed, a man in white. Every vivid detail was branded into his mind like a video clip stuck on repeat. It was infuriating, and intriguing at the same time.

 

It had been 3 weeks since the accident, and 3 days since he was allowed to go home. Recovery had been fairly quick after he woke up. He wasn’t sure about the details of what happened while he was in the hospital, but he didn’t want to find out. All that mattered to him was that it wasn’t a bad memory. There was a certain presence that he remembered, a feeling of comfort. They said Cat spent a lot of time with him, so it must have been her. It couldn’t have been the faceless angel from his dream, he wasn’t real. Right?

 

While most of his more serious injuries were still healing, all he could really complain about were backaches and the occasional headache. Nothing a little pain medication couldn’t fix. Cat, however, as the most jumpy human being on the planet, reprimanded him for not being careful. The extent of her care went beyond being a nurse, and felt more like a mother caring for her coughing baby. Magnus was sure that if she could, she would carry him around and rock him to sleep.

 

But Magnus loved her, so he didn’t push her away. He knew what losing someone you cared for felt like, so he let her dote on him. Cat was kind, a natural caretaker, a mother, whatever you wanted to call it, she was all of those things and more. She was the one he called his best friend for good reason. Despite sarcastic remarks and silly bickering, he took her advice to heart and made sure to let her know what she meant to him.

 

But he kept the dreams a secret. Magnus wasn't sure how to explain it, but the dreams felt too real to be just dreams. The details of it were exquisite, such as how Magnus remembered the way his butt looked or how his laughter sounded. But his face and his name were still a mystery to him.

 

Slowly, his face became clearer, to the point where Magnus would see his face when he closed his eyes. But what he remembered best was the smile on the man’s face. It was bright and vibrant, his eyes gleaming with joy. No one that perfect could exist in this world.

 

Magnus was dreaming of an angel. That had to be the explanation. Either that or he was going crazy.

 

Magnus was a lot of things, but he was not crazy. Right?

 

With a sigh, he walked to the kitchen and got a glass of water. Since he wasn’t going to sleep, he might as well indulge in one of his most favorite things to do.

 

The marvelous entertainment of a kitten falling asleep.

 

\--

 

It was nearing noon and Magnus had just finished a delightful meal of grilled cheese and ham sandwich, with a glass of orange juice.

 

The only problem was that it tasted like cardboard. The sun was dull and boring, the air was thick and dry, and he grew bored of his cat videos after five minutes. Something was very wrong with him. His heart felt heavy and his head was surprisingly empty. He tried everything, from sitcoms to working out, but nothing improved his mood. He even decided spending an extra ten minutes in the shower, attempting to exfoliate, but he ended up sitting in the tub for half an hour, feeling sorry for himself. He had to get out when the water ran cold, to avoid catching a cold. And it was quite a hardship to do so.

 

He walked into the living room to get his phone, not bothering with covering himself up. He picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID.

 

_Camille_

 

And he unceremoniously threw his phone onto the table again.

 

“Not even going there,“ he muttered to himself, making his way back to his bedroom for clothes. Magnus turned the music up, bobbing his head to the beat as he put on his underwear.

 

But even the heavy beat of his favorite song annoyed him so he ended up switching the music off, just to hear his phone still ringing.

 

That was it.

 

He quickly made his way to the living room and grabbed his phone, and answered it.

 

“No,“ he yelled, before hanging up. A few moments later, a text appeared.

 

_From: My Fluffy Cabbage_

 

_Magnus, I brought your devil of a pet. Open the door_

 

Magnus threw the phone on the table and ran to the door, ripping it open with a grin on his face.

 

“There’s my baby,“ he cooed at the carrier Ragnor was holding and took it from his hands. Behind Ragnor was Raphael, looking as constipated as ever. Magnus made his way into the living room, putting the carrier on the floor and opening it.

 

“I’m glad to see that you’re doing well, Magnus,“ Ragnor said, while Raphael stood silent.

 

Magnus turned to them with Chairman Meow in his arms, scratching behind the cat's ear. “My dear fluffy cabbage, I’m better than ever now that my baby is here,“ he said, pressing a kiss to Chairman’s head.

 

“Please stop calling me that, and please put some clothes on,“ Ragnor said while putting the cat food on the floor.

 

Magnus raised his head to say something but stopped when he saw the angry claw marks on Ragnor’s cheek. “What happened to your face?“

 

Raphael snorted and went to the kitchen. Ragnor sent him a dirty look and cleared his throat. “Your little devil and I had a minor disagreement over the tuna.“

 

Magnus gasped and looked at Chairman. “Did you scratch uncle Ragnor’s face because he stole your tuna?“

 

Chairman blinked.

 

“I’m so proud of you,“ Magnus cooed and walked to the kitchen. “Let’s get you some tuna.“

 

He heard Ragnor tutt and complain, but he ignored it and joined Raphael by the counter. Raphael had already gotten some tuna, and presented the small plate to Magnus, who let his cat down on the counter. The small cat let out a mewl and happily ate his meal.

 

“Thank you,“ Magnus said, turning to Raphael, “for taking care of him.“

 

Raphael shrugged. “You would do the same with my rat.“

 

Magnus made a face. “By stopping by to feed him, but yes, I would.“

 

“Are you okay, though?“ Raphael asked, with a rare but caring look on his face. Magnus was briefly reminded of the young boy Raphael was when they first met, skipping class to hang out with the popular crowd. They had their fair share of disagreements in the past but the friendship they built was one of the things Magnus treasured most in his life.

 

“I’m okay, Raphael,“ Magnus said, putting his hand on the other’s shoulder with a smile. Raphael seemed to relax, and he nodded.

 

“Good. I would hate to have to find someone else to complain about Ragnor to,“ he said with a grin, and Magnus chuckled.

 

“Yes, the little fluffball is far too high maintenance,“ Magnus said, turning his gaze to where Ragnor was. “But he’s our friend, and your roommate until you graduate college.“

 

“Don’t remind me, please,“ Raphael said. “Last night he washed the dishes while singing opera, and my ears are still ringing.“

 

Magnus winced and patted his shoulder.

 

“But I’m glad you’re okay,“ Raphael said, smiling. “Now I can escape to your place again.“

 

“And I look forward to it, we still have three episodes left of The Walking Dead to finish before starting the new season,“ Magnus answered, grabbing the plate from his beloved cat who had finished his meal. Chairman jumped down and walked off.

 

Magnus loved his little family, more than anything. But even now, he felt like something was missing. He shook his head and walked to the living room.

 

In the small hallway between the kitchen and living room, there was a mirror. As Magnus walked past it, he noticed something behind him. He stopped and looked at his reflection.

 

And behind him, stood the man from his dreams.

 

Magnus quickly turned to look at where the man seemed to be standing, but no one was there. He looked back into the mirror, and the man was gone. The hair on the back of Magnus’ neck rose and his breath quickened slightly.

 

“That poor boy,“ he heard Ragnor say, tearing him from his thoughts.  

 

“Who are you talking about?“ he asked, walking to the living room where Ragnor had turned on the TV, and sat down next to him on the couch.

 

“The Lightwood boy, he’s still in the hospital,“ Ragnor said, pointing at the TV.

 

Magnus looked up and froze. The Lightwood family was famous for their service to the city, and their eldest son had an accident a few days prior to Magnus’ accident. Magnus never paid attention to it, believing the Lightwood family to be one of those families like the Kardashians, always looking for attention, with their commanding mother and father.

 

But the image of the eldest Lightwood son was what scared Magnus. That was the man from his dreams.

 

That was it. He was officially losing his mind.

 

Magnus got up and went to his bedroom to get dressed.

 

“Magnus? Are you okay?“ Raphael asked when Magnus grabbed his phone and keys. Ragnor had gotten up, and they both looked worried.

 

“I need to go see Cat, I’ll be back later,“ Magnus said, and left the apartment.

  
____________

 

Do you still remember

How we used to be

Feeling together

Believing whatever

My love had said to me

  


He promised. He promised to visit. It had been three weeks, and he hadn’t visited.

 

Alec was giving up. Magnus wouldn’t remember, he wouldn’t keep his promise.

 

Alec stood by his side as Magnus woke up, he was there when Magnus stood up, he was there when he was alone, and he was there when Magnus left the hospital.

 

Maybe Magnus would never return.

 

He stood up, walking to the entrance. The doctor had visited earlier. He had news about his condition.

 

He stopped walking, and stared.

 

Because Magnus was standing in front of him.

 

\--

 

When Magnus left this place three days ago, he had planned to avoid it forever. Yet here he was, standing outside the hospital again. It was a weird feeling of deja vu, accompanied with an unsettling feeling in his stomach.

 

The last time he was here, he almost died. And at the same time, the last time he was here, he survived.

 

There was no in-between, those two thoughts pushed and pulled on every nerve in his body.

 

To his left was the patch of grass from his dream, and through those doors was the spot they first met. Further in, there was the place they shared a kiss.

 

He thought the dream was just something to comfort him, his mind playing tricks on him. There were a million explanations to what he went through, but Magnus was still unsure. What if it had been real?

 

This was a conversation he knew he had to have, and Cat was his best shot at figuring it out without sounding crazy.

 

It was like a switch had been flipped, Magnus suddenly felt comfort envelope him completely. He felt brave, like he could do anything.

 

It was the same feeling that he felt when he woke up.

 

As scary as it seemed, Magnus knew what he had to do. So he took a deep breath and started walking. It was like something was pulling him in, like he was meant to walk through those doors at that moment on that day.

 

He was definitely going crazy.

 

He walked up to the front desk and smiled at the nurse. “Is Catarina Loss here?“

 

“Magnus?“ he heard her voice behind him. He turned and smiled, hoping it didn’t seem forced. Cat wasn’t fooled, but he knew that she wouldn’t be.

 

“Salmon pink is so your color,“ Magnus said, making her smile. She stepped closer, shaking her head.

 

“Your flattery will get you nowhere, Magnus. Surely you have realised this by now,“ she said, putting the chart she had been holding on the table. “I’m taking my break, page me if you need me,“ she said to the other nurse, who rolled her eyes.

 

“You deserve a break, Cat. Go,“ the nurse said, taking the chart and putting it into one of the shelves on the wall.

 

Cat turned to Magnus. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?“

 

Magnus shifted his weight to his other leg. “Just wanted to visit my favorite friend.“

 

Cat didn’t look convinced. But there was worry in her eyes. “Okay, I’ll take the bait. But you have to buy me food instead. I’m starving.“

 

Magnus let out a slight sigh of relief. “Yes ma’am.“

 

\--

 

Cat was easily the first person Magnus would think of when he was in trouble. She was his first to contact in situations of emergency, and he was hers. From the first moment they met, they just clicked. There was nothing romantic between them, just unyielding trust and in a weird way, it felt like family, like she was the sister he never had. She did treat him like a younger brother, in ways of scolding him, making fun of him and taking care of him.

 

They went to the cafeteria and got some food, making idle small talk about nothing in particular. Magnus was avoiding the topic for as long as he could, knowing that he had to talk about it eventually. He knew Cat could sense that something was wrong, but she wouldn’t ask him directly, giving him time to gather up the courage to get to the point. They sat down near the window, and drank their coffee in silence.

 

“So,” Cat said, smiling at him. “How are you feeling?”

 

Magnus shrugged. “I feel fine. A bit achy, but I’m okay.”

 

Cat nodded. “Are you sure? You look like a little pale. Do you have a fever?” She reached out  to lay her hand on his forehead, frowning slightly in concentration. Magnus just sat still and let her, knowing that she would have her way in the end. He didn’t like arguing with her, because she always won.

 

“You don’t seem to have a fever,“ she said, sitting back. “Is there something on your mind?“

 

Magnus sighed. “Okay, there is something I need to talk to you about.”

 

“I knew it,” Cat said and leaned forward. “What’s up?”

 

“When I was… sleeping, I had this dream.”

 

Cat furrowed her eyebrows. “A dream?”

 

Magnus nodded. “A very vivid dream.”

 

“Well,” Cat began, crossing her legs. “I have heard that coma patients dream about what’s happening.”

 

Magnus bit his lip. “It wasn’t like that... “

 

“Then what was it like?” Cat asked, with a look of genuine curiosity on her face.

 

Magnus took a deep breath and straightened his back. “Okay.”

 

He told her everything, from the moment he woke up to the moment it ended. Cat stayed silent the entire time, listening intently to what he had to say.

 

“And this morning, I saw his reflection in the mirror, like he was standing right behind me. And then I saw his face on TV.”

 

“Wait,” Cat leaned forward again, almost knocking over her coffee. “You saw him? While awake?”

 

Magnus nodded and pulled up his phone. “I saw him. That’s the man from my dreams.” He turned his hand to show her the photo he had found earlier. She stared at it, and Magnus felt nervous for some reason.

 

“What do you think happened?” she asked carefully, looking up. Magnus shook his head.

 

Magnus took his phone back and looked at the photo. In his dream, Alec had been smiling, his eyes had been glowing. On the photo, he was lifeless, almost sad. “I don’t think it was a dream,“ Magnus said eventually, putting the phone in his pocket. “I think it was an out-of-body experience. And that's crazy talk.“  
  
Cat watched him for a moment, before reaching out to take his hand. “I know you, Magnus, and you are not crazy. Sure, you have weird fantasies,“ Magnus snorted at that. “But this? If you're so worried about this, then it means something. You never do things halfway, you run at it head first. That's what I admire about you, your fearlessness.“

 

Magnus looked up, finding nothing but comfort in her eyes.   


“if you were crazy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation,“ she said, squeezing his hand.

  
“I feel like I’m losing my mind,“ he admitted, running his thumb over her hand. “I know his name, I know what hospital room he’s in, I know the tone of his voice. And he’s been sleeping for longer than I was.“

 

Cat didn’t say anything, instead just letting him speak. He appreciated it, made him more comfortable to share his thoughts with her.

 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.“  
  
Cat smiled slightly. “You'll figure it out. You always do.“

 

\--

 

As Magnus exited the cafeteria, he thought about what Cat had said. They had eaten in silence after their chat, and Cat had been paged in the middle of her meal.

 

She always knew what to say. Whenever Magnus was doubting himself, she would cheer him up. Or scold him, depending on the situation.

 

He wasn’t really paying attention to where he was going, so he didn’t notice the flash of brown hair, before bumping into someone. The person dropped the bag they were carrying and its contents spilled over the floor. In panic, he dropped down to help pick them up, apologising repeatedly.

 

“I’m so sorry.“

 

“Don’t worry about it,“ the person said, closing her bag and standing back up. As Magnus stood up, he finally noticed that is was a woman.

 

A very beautiful woman.

 

Magnus was momentarily stunned by her beauty. Her head was held high, though she had a certain look in her eyes that he could only describe as pain. A woman as beautiful as her should never be in pain. Then again, they were in a hospital. Maybe a family member of hers was sick.

 

Her eyes suddenly filled with tears, and he quickly stepped closer and put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?“

 

She waved her hand and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I… I’m sorry,“ she shook her head. “I just got some big news about my brother and…“

 

Magnus swallowed, suddenly feeling fear settle in his stomach. “Can I buy you some coffee? Let you calm down a bit before you carry on.“

 

The woman nodded and they made their way into the cafeteria.

 

“Thank you,“ she said quietly as she sat down.

 

“Magnus Bane,“ he introduced himself, smiling slightly. “I’ll go get the drinks.“

 

“Thank you, Magnus. I’m Izzy Lightwood.“

  
  
___________

 

 _Yes I still remember, every whispered word_ _  
_ _The touch of your skin_

 _giving life from within_ _  
_ _Like a love song that I'd heard_

 

His heart clenched painfully as he turned around and walked to get coffee.

 

She looked exactly like the Izzy from his dream. How was that possible?

 

Magnus glanced behind him. Izzy was still by the table, pushing her hair out of her face with a delicate hand. It was the same Izzy who sat on the floor, sobbing and calling out for Alec. The same girl Alec was so desperate to comfort.

 

Magnus turned back to the saleswoman and ordered two cups, reaching into his pocket to get the money.

 

What if he wasn’t going crazy? Was there a chance that he had made both of them up in his dream? It wasn’t likely. Maybe he wasn’t crazy after all. But how was he supposed to ask her?

 

If someone walked up to him and said “I was in a coma and frolicked around with your brother and then made out with him“ to his face, he would run away.

 

And judging from what Alec had told him about his sister, she was smarter than most people. She was also very compassionate, loving and protective.

 

Magnus thanked the woman and accepted the two cups, making his way back to the table. What was he going to do?

 

“Thank you,“ Izzy said gratefully when he placed the cups down on the table, sitting down on the other side of the small table.

 

They sat in silence, adding milk and sugar to their drinks. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but strangely comfortable instead. She was so much like her brother, and so beautiful. He felt a strange feeling of wanting to protect her. It was weird, he barely knew her. But she was Alec’s little sister.

 

“I’m sorry about earlier, I wasn’t looking where I was going,“ she said timidly, setting her cup down on the table.

 

Magnus smiled. “It’s quite alright, I wasn’t paying attention either.“

 

Izzy smiled slightly and started twisting the cup in her hands.

 

“You said you received news about your brother? I hope it was good news,“ Magnus said, unable to stop himself. If this was a reality, he needed to know how Alec was.

 

Izzy brightened up instantly. “Yeah, they said my brother is doing good.“

 

Magnus smiled and leaned back in his chair. “That’s great news.“

 

“Yeah…“ Izzy trailed off and looked down again.

 

“Is everything okay?“

 

Izzy sighed. “My brother has been in a coma for a month, and the doctors told me that there’s nothing physically wrong with him. Besides him being…“ She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.“

 

Magnus clenched his jaw slightly. “It’s alright. I’m flattered that you want to tell me this. If you need to let it out, I’m willing to listen.“

 

Izzy was silent for a moment, stirring her coffee with a spoon as she contemplated his offer. “I just want him to wake up, so I can tell him that I love him. I was horrible to him before the accident.“

 

“I’m sure he knows how much you care about him,“ Magnus said softly.

 

“That’s the thing about my brother,“ she said, looking up. “You never know what he’s thinking. He has these walls set up around him, like a mask to protect himself. He’s been hurt a lot in his life, and I tried to protect him the best I could.“

 

Magnus watched her silently, suddenly overwhelmed, knowing where this conversation was heading.

 

“And the last thing I said to him before the accident was that he was selfish because he wouldn’t tell me which dress was prettier,” Izzy chuckled humorlessly. Magnus looked down.

 

“The red dress. It matches your lipstick.”

 

“Excuse me?” Izzy frowned at him.

 

“The black one is too revealing for meeting the in-laws. The red dress is classy, but still fierce,” Magnus spoke carefully, not looking up.

 

“If this is some sort of sick joke-” Izzy said as Magnus looked up. She was furious, looking at him in shock, and he didn’t blame her.

 

“I’m sorry, I…” Magnus trailed off, looking down at his coffee. This was it.

 

“This is going to sound crazy, but I had an accident about a month ago, and I was in a coma for three days,” he said, licking his lips. “During that time, I was… I was invisible. I ran around, screaming but no one could see me. And then a man spoke to me.”

 

Izzy was silent, watching him with an unreadable look on her face.

 

“He said his name was Alec, and we hung out, until I woke up,” Magnus said softly, tears suddenly filling his eyes. “I know this sounds crazy, and I think I am crazy but… I think I met your brother.”

 

Izzy swallowed thickly and cleared her throat. “You were in a coma… and you met my brother…“

 

“Either that or I have serious problems,“ Magnus said. It was true.

 

“I know this all sounds insane, but if I did meet him, I owe him something.“

 

Izzy’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?“

 

“Before I woke up, he asked me to play him a song,“ Magnus paused, trying to remember the name of the song. “Moonlight Sonata?“

 

Izzy gasped softly and her eyes welled up again. “That’s his favorite song to play because-“

 

“There’s life hidden behind the melody,“ Magnus finished with a watery smile, and Izzy smiled at him.

 

“How did you… what’s going on?“ she asked, leaning forward.

 

“I don’t know,“ he replied, feeling that familiar comforting presence surround him. Maybe it had been Alec all along. “But with your permission, I would like to honor this promise.“

 

Izzy’s expression changed to confusion and she opened her mouth to speak, but Magnus stopped her.

 

“All I ask for is five minutes, and then you won't ever have to see me again. Please.“

 

Magnus could see the fire in Izzy’s eyes, the protective but curious look. He was silent as she thought, but he didn’t break eye contact.

 

“Okay… on one condition,“ she eventually said. “I go in there with you.“

 

\--

 

Alec followed them to the elevator. He stood in the corner, silent. It seemed to take forever to get to their destination but eventually, they exited the elevator. Magnus stopped walking though, staring at the corridor in silence. Izzy walked up to him and asked if he was okay.

 

“It’s… strange to be here. The last time I was here, it was… brighter,“ Magnus said, rubbing his forearm like he was cold.

 

Alec swallowed and put his hand over his shoulder. “Please, Magnus…“

 

Izzy took Magnus’ hand and smiled. “Come on. He’s this way.“ Magnus nodded and followed her down the corridor.

 

When they got to the door to Alec’s, Izzy helped Magnus put on a hospital gown, and together they washed their hands. Alec went into his room, and had a proper look at his body.

 

The wounds on his face were almost healed, and the oxygen mask was much clearer than before. He wasn’t struggling to breathe anymore, his ribs must have healed by now.

 

The door behind him opened, so he stepped to the side, watching Izzy walk up to his body and kiss his forehead.

 

“Hey big bro… you have a visitor,“ she said, turning and nodding at Magnus, who took wary but steady steps into the room.

 

He looked so unsure, carefully making his way to the bed, standing next to Izzy with his phone clutched in his hands. He was beautiful.

 

“Hey,“ Magnus’ voice broke, but he smiled nonetheless. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I was…“ Magnus sighed and looked down at his phone.

 

Alec looked down at his own hands. He was starting to fade. This time, he didn’t freak out. He wasn’t afraid. It was time to let go.

 

“I made you a promise, back when… well, I hope…“ Magnus said, not looking up. He licked his lips. “Okay, I’m going to play you this song, but when you wake up, remember you owe me something too.”

 

Izzy turned to Magnus. “What does he owe you?“

 

Magnus smiled. “His number. So I can take him on a date.“

 

Izzy smiled brightly. “I’ll be sure to remind him.“

 

Magnus nodded his head, turning back to Alec’s body on the bed.

 

Alec laughed quietly, watching them from the other side of the bed. He liked the idea of them being friends one day. Even if he never woke up. He knew Izzy would have someone. She had Simon. Magnus had his friends, Cat, Ragnor and Raphael. Jace had Clary. Max had Izzy, Jace, Maia, Clary and Simon. His parents had each other.

 

Magnus pressed a few buttons on his phone, and a soft piano melody started playing. And Alec smiled. Izzy wiped a stray tear from her cheek, and Magnus’ eyes welled up.

 

And it finally hit him. Alec didn't want to live for his siblings, or for Magnus. His siblings would be fine without him, and so would Magnus. He wanted to live because he had so much to give, so much to do. He wanted to live for himself.

  
He wanted to live, to finish college, get a job, fall in love, build a family. He wanted to reconcile with his family, because one day he would have to take care of his parents like they had taken care of him.   


Beneath the melody was life, and beneath all that hate and judgement Alec had put on himself, was a person desperate to feel alive.

Alec knew he had to let go. So he did. He closed his eyes. The darkness was welcoming, warm.

 

And when Alec opened his eyes, Magnus was there. And he never left again.

 

___________

 

_Viva forever, I'll be waiting_

_Everlasting, like the sun_

_Live forever, for the moment_

_Ever searching for the one..._

 

_ Life is short. Make the best of it.  _

His fingers pressed down on the keys, the piano ringing out the final tones of the melody he was playing. 

Alec knew how short life could be. So he made the best of it. 

Ten years had passed since the fateful accident. He was older, wiser, but still learning. 

The tragic event that led him to almost lose his life, had also been the greatest thing to ever happen to him. He found the answer he had been looking for, the answer so many people asked. 

What was the meaning of his life? 

Not everyone had the same answer, but his was to learn. He finished college, he went to Juilliard, he got a job. He was now a music teacher. He taught other kids music. 

__  
  


He reconciled with his parents, their relationship was now loving and close. They had lunch together every Sunday, with Jace, Izzy and Max, and their families. 

Soft footsteps padded behind him, and a pair of arms wrapped around his neck from behind. 

From the moment Alec had woken up, Magnus had been there. They eventually exchanged phone numbers, and went on dates. A year later, they had moved in together while Alec attended music classes, and Magnus worked on his novel. 

Now, years later, Alec was working as a music teacher, and Magnus had published his books. 

Alec raised his hands to hold Magnus’, softly pressing his lips to the warm forearms. Magnus leaned over, placing his chin on Alec’s shoulder. “Hey, darling.“ 

“Hey, sweetheart,“ Alec whispered, turning his head, and pressing a soft kiss on his lips. “Kids asleep?“ 

Magnus nodded and moved to sit down next to him by the piano. 

They had adopted two boys, Max and Rafael. They had married a year before, and purchased a house near Alec’s parents to start a family. 

“They said to tell you they loved you, and that they want pancakes for breakfast.“ 

Alec snorted, but nodded. “Pancakes it is, then.“ 

Magnus smiled and got up, taking Alec’s hand. “Let's go to bed. The boys will be up early tomorrow.“ 

Alec nodded and got up. 

Later that night, as he lay in his husbands arms, he recounted all the events in his life that had led him to this exact moment. Just like he did every night. 

He found meaning, he found love. He had everything he wanted. 

He was alive. 

 


End file.
